Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Senior Dating (or Why I Date Fresh Men)

Once upon a time there was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.

For a fairly cute girl, she liked to read, and read she did. Every damn fairy tale ever known to womankind and published in the full set of the Book of Knowledge. The Book of Knowledge. What a misnomer that was. For the uneducated, the Book of Knowledge was an encyclopedic set that covered history to science and everything in between--including fairy tales.

I don’t think it is as much so today as when I was a girl, this believing in fairy tales, that either a handsome prince or a white knight would dash in to a young woman’s life and the twosome would live happily ever after with nary a woe. In fact, I don’t guess there is much of a market for fairy tales with today’s young girls. Fairy tales mislead girls to believe that there is one special someone out there who will love and protect them all of their days. Well, there is. He’s called your daddy. Trust me, that is the only man, and I mean the ONLY man who will ever love and respect a girl as she deserves to be. To hell with the rest of them.

Forgive me for generalizing here, but men, as it were, is a misnomer, too. When have you known a man to ever grow up? They don’t really, only if they sire a girl child, and only in respect to said child. I hate to be the burster of bubbles here, but men never grow up in respect to womankind. They always see themselves as they were at the peak of their sexual prowess, a virile young man, no matter how many nose and ear hairs you can count and no matter how little hair is on their pates.

Once, an older lady friend of mine emailed me a cartoon. It showed a fat, balding man looking into a mirror admiring the image of a studly body builder. In the next frame, it showed a good-looking woman, looking into a mirror with disdain at the image of an old hag. It kind of reminds me of that old Robert Burns poem, “O wad some Power the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us.” Wouldn’t that be something? For either a man or a woman to see how others see them? Therein lies a fairy tale in itself.

As a woman who has been around the block a time or two or three or more, I can tell you this much, I’ve seen everything from a sweet gherkin to a beef stick to a pile of Jet-Puffed Marshmallows (my apologies to Kraft). You women out there know what I’m talking about even if the men don’t. Yes, I admit, I’ve been accused of being a cradle robber for having married and dated younger men, or in today’s parlance, being a “cougar.” And for good reason. Call it what you will, but younger men do have their benefits when you consider that the old farts never grow up and only gain in nose and ear cartilage and hair. Besides, what’s the point of dating someone your own age, especially if you are a reasonably attractive woman who desires the same in a man?

There is also a misconception that once a woman reaches menopause, she is no longer interested in the male of the species. It is true for some, but not all. For example, a famous female author friend of mine, who is approaching sixty-five and shall remain unnamed, told me not long ago: “I’ve sucked my last dick.” I love her frankness (no pun intended), but for me, I don’t think I’m quite there yet.

I fully understand that by posting this blog, I may be cutting off future dating opportunities with men my age and older, such as they are, but the damn fairy tale is over.

Now it’s all about slaying dragons.


  1. Can't argue with anything here. Turning 49 this past year I've come to realize--except for the obvious (procreation), which usually takes place in our younger years--men and women for the most part are incompatible.

    Although I was married for 15 years--lived with my ex for another 6 years I have been alone most of my life.

    Men (my age and older) are a selfish breed. We try to adapt, we play along but in the end our true nature come out. We strive for pleasure and at all costs avoid any pain. Pain being the emotional side of any relationship.

    We hide in our caves waiting for our next acquisition. Our only goal is to fill our immediate needs. That's why we take a lot of showers.

    Maybe the human race should have taken a lesson from nature. Like when the pray-mantis or the queen bee eats the male after fertilization.

    Yeah, many men won't agree with this but I have nothing to hide....not anymore.

    I meet women all the time and when I sense interest I immediately turn off the charm. I talk myself out of getting too close. On the surface there is a pretty young lady doing her best to lure me, but I start to see beyond that avoiding any emotional connection. There that's why men are assholes. But we're not completely responsible for all bad relationships in the World. Women can be pretty self righteous as well, let's just blame Oprah.

    Good Blog.

  2. See, John, this is why I like you. You are more evolved than most males. An old soul for sure and a very wise man. Have a happy new year, my friend! I am proud to know you.

  3. Enjoyed reading the post. On behalf of my gender I apologize for all the thick headedness and selfishness. It seems like there are 1000 ways to screw up a relationship and only 10 ways to make it work. Surprising there are not more divorces and single folks out there. I suspect it is that some are more willing to live in misery than alone.

    Wish you good luck in finding someone that is more evolved...

  4. Enjoyed the post, Eileen.

    I've got to believe that there are a thousand ways to screw up a relationship and about 10 ways to make it work. It's surprising to me that so many people are still together. Must be preferable to be miserable than to be alone for many.

    I hope you find a more evolved person someday that knows the 10 ways to make a relationship work.

  5. Thank you, EtaByte. The girl in me always holds out hope that there is that more evolved person that knows the 10 ways to make a relationship work. Perhaps someday I will meet the nursing home. :-)

  6. when i was a child i spake as a child i thought as a child, when i became a man i set aside childish things (paraphrasing here from elmer gantry)

    in other words the intractable problem is a design-flaw of Nature

    nothing can be done, why waste time

    every guy and gal have their higher purpose, it's usually expressed in their work or their hobbies

    why force the issue?

    just live

    happy :)

    (the occasional hookup is just fine, no need to muck things up with drama)

  7. I’m ecstatic I discovered your website and here

  8. Thank you so much, Brock. Stop by anytime!